Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Change Your Mealtime Paradigm

Mothers, do you ever find that your most frustrating times of the day are meal times? Many of us try to facilitate a sit-down meal at least once per day where the whole family is gathered--and we envision well-behaved and happy children sharing their day with us, lots of encouragement and laughter, and prayer and Bible reading around the table. Hello reality: demanding toddlers, siblings fighting over the color of their bowl, babies squirming out of their high chairs and crawling all over the table, hungry growly husbands sitting down and ready to eat while you are still running around dripping dish water, your hair all askew, trying to remember the forks, water, bibs, serving spoons, salad dressing, and the other hundred things that will be needed at the table. Right? Hah!

I recently realized that there is one main problem that is causing all the frustration, and no, it is not your hungry husband's failure to see that you need help! The problem, for me, is my expectation. The expectation that this is the time when I get to sit down and have a relaxing "break" while eating something tasty and nourishing. We have come to see mealtimes as such from our single days, and our days before children, and now this. Every day the reality beats us over the head again, and every day the frustration builds, simply because we refuse to let go of our old paradigm! Here are five tips that have changed my attitude, and I am ENJOYING our meal times. I have three children five and under, and am 8 months pregnant, so if it works for me, it can work for you!

1) Remember that Christ Himself came to be a servant. When you feel like nobody is noticing your hard work and that you are under appreciated, being treated as a servant, rejoice! Christ became obedient unto death. Motherhood is one of the best opportunities to practice Christ-likeness. Embrace it!

2) Think of meal times as your exercise time, not your time to relax. Seriously!! I have spent too much time lamenting not only my inability to get a sit-down meal, but also my inability to find a consistent time to work out. Hello! The two issues solve each other! Now that I am realizing that sit-down meals are NOT going to include me until my children are older, I happily do laps the entire meal if I have to, just thankful that my buns and thighs are getting much needed exercise!

3) Find another time to sit down and relax. No, it will not happen every day, but I find the best time is after the children are in bed. Then I veg out for a few hours, hang out with my husband, have a special tea or dessert, etc. This is also why I like having an early-ish dinner and getting the children to bed in a timely manner. And it is much more plausible than the idea of having your break at meals!

4) Eat healthy snacks between meals, and eat while you are preparing the food. That way you won't be so desperate for food that you add your own hunger mood swings to everything else that's going on. I like to eat my salad while I am preparing the rest of the dinner, so I am sure to get something healthy. Add nuts or beans to it so you get some protein. having a bowl of nuts and an apple handy on the counter is a good thing anyway.

5) For the sake of your morning sanity--and your electricity bill--invest in a really good coffee cup with a lid that will keep your coffee hot for hours. Don't you just love it when you have to microwave your coffee eight times before you even take the first sip? When my old precious travel mug--a gift from my husband--broke into two pieces after seven years, I was rather heartbroken. But after several days of mourning and denial--and unpleasant morning coffee--I bit the bullet and invested in a good new travel mug: In the $20 range, not the $10. (I got this one in fuschia--at Target) It is stainless steel inside, not plastic...that can't be a bad thing! And it keeps my coffee really nicely warm until noon if I need it to. It is worth it, ladies!

I LOVE what a perspective-change can do for your life. There is a reason the Bible calls us to be transformed by the renewing of our minds. God knows that many of the frustrations and problems we face are due to our own incorrect thinking. Be blessed as you make your husband and children happy at meal times--while keeping a smile on your face! It will be so worth it in the end.

Thursday, March 1, 2012

One day, three encounters

When you are pregnant or have multiple little children, you often get comments from strangers on the state and size of your family. For me, being the mother of three under six with one on the way, the most common reaction is "you've got your hands full!" which is funny in two ways. One, every mother has her hands full, starting with child #1! And two, four children is really not that many, considering the many families in history and presently who have eight, ten, fifteen children... ok, maybe there are not that many of them in this area, but they do exist in our country and abroad. So I don't know where all the awe comes from, unless it is from the adoption of too many psychology-based parenting methods, which make the parents feel overwhelmed and unable to imagine how they would cope with one more demanding little monarch running their lives. But I kind of like it. I welcome the comments because it encourages me that much more to do a good job raising them, and also because it gives me a voice for a moment, an opportunity to reflect positivity about parenting that just doesn't happen very much. It tends to be a complaining field, doesn't it? I know it was for me, for a number of years...

Today I got to have three such little moments with other parents, all different. I love seeing what will happen, and if there is going to be an opportunity to encourage!

Scenario #1: I was swinging Silas in the baby swing at the park next to a nice grandpa who was also pushing his 2-yr-old grandson. This time it was actually I who started the conversation.

me: "Is he about 2 1/2?"
man: "About 2 and 3 months, so yeah... yup, the terrible twos!"
me: "You mean the terrific twos!"
man: "That too, yeah, most of the time, I guess, but he definitely has his tantrum moments."
me: "Well, yeah, they all have those, but I welcome those tantrums, they are one of the best opportunities to teach!" (and to WIN a battle before something becomes a nasty ingrained habit!)

man: "We do do that a little bit too, but we get to hand him back off to his mother; grandparents are supposed to spoil their grandchildren."
me: "True, true, well, I'm not at the handing off stage yet, so I have to work through those times, but I am looking forward to being a grandparent too; that will be a fun stage."
man: "yeah, when my kids were growing up, it was always just work, work, work for me, so it seemed like they grew up way too fast and I missed so much. It's nice to get to experience it from retirement."


"It's nice to be a stay-at-home mom!" I thought.


Scenario #2:
I was at the hospital for my initial appointment for prenatal care here in the new town, and the person they sent in to examine me was a bald man in his 50's who was filling in for the OB. The great thing was, this man was not a doctor at all, but a certified nurse midwife! Now THAT is unusual, but I decided not to comment; he probably gets enough grief for his career choice from anyone and everyone... The midwife-man was asking all kinds of general questions.


mw man: "so this is your... fourth child. you're gonna have your hands full in a little bit here!"
me, chuckling: "well, we'll see! one child takes up all your time, so four can't really take up any more!"
mw man: "heh, that's true. I had four, and it always seemed to work out somehow."


He was super, super nice and helpful, and pulled some extra strings after the appointment to get me into the midwifery center instead of the regular OB care, (yaaaaaaaaaay!) as the midwives hadn't wanted to take me at first, since I was too far along for their regular cutoff date for a first time patient. AND he let me do my own strep B test, and didn't do a vag. exam at all, so I didn't have to expose myself to a stranger today. Always nice!


Scenario #3:
I had to get a TB skin prick and the lady who was administering them at the lab said to me that it looked like I was having a boy.
me: "I don't know what I'm having."
lady: "Well it looks like a boy."
me: "They all look the same on me."
lady: "Oh you have kids?"
me: "This is my 4th."
lady: "Lucky!"

me, laughing: "Now that's an unusual response."
lady: "Really?"
me: "Yeah, people usually think I'm either crazy supermom, or that I'm selfishly destroying the planet."
lady: "Really, why?"
me: "Because my carbon footprint is getting too big for my own good, something like that. Global warming, I'm killing all the polar bears. ...Do you have children?"
lady: "I have two. I wish I could have more, but that would be just too complicated for me. Mine are ten years apart, so at that rate, I would be having the next one in my 40s."

"Well some people start in their 40's!" I said with a twinkle.I really liked this woman. She was open and sincere and didn't put on any airs. It was actually quite refreshing to be downtown, somehow the people seemed more genuine. The point is, I had a really interesting day discussing parenting with various people! It is the funnest topic--try to encourage someone in their parenting today!