in ancient hebrew culture, parents would arrange their childrens' marriages, sometimes long before they were old enough to be married. when i think about my own children and how much i want the best for them, it is unfathomable to me how i could ever decide on their spouse without even knowing what this person is going to be like as an adult. and then i realized: you ARE supposed to be able to know what that person will be like! you look at their parents. in ancient days, if the parents were righteous, worthy people, it was generally a given that they would produce and raise up righteous, worthy sons and daughters. in today's culture, that is absolutely NOT a given. you can have some beautiful, loving, dedicated Christian parents who often end up with rebellious or unbelieving children. but it IS and SHOULD be possible to predict reasonably well how the grown children will be. why is this no longer so? I believe it is because satan has deceived parents into thinking they have little control over how their children turn out. the Bible clearly says that rebellion happens if a child is not properly trained in the fear of the Lord, respect, and obedience. The parents are also the ones responsible for seeing that this happens, not sunday school or youth group or Christian school. (see eph. 6:4) yet today many Christian parents have either never learned how to properly train up a child in the fear of the Lord, or understood the parental-responsibility mandates in the Bible to be as far-reaching as they were in ancient days. Or they believe that the current world view on child rearing makes more sense and overrides the "outdated" ways of the Bible. then unbelief happens in the offspring, because they see that their parents are not properly modeling the life submitted unto the Lord; they are hypocrites. the book of Proverbs has some amazing advice on child rearing, and i believe it comes with some promises:
"foolishness is bound in the heart of a child, but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him." prov. 22:15
this is one of the main Biblical principles: man is born into a sinful, "foolish" nature. parents are to use the rod for discipline in order to correct the child, and as they do so, the foolishness will be driven out. (also see prov. 20:30.)
"correct your son, and he will give you rest; yes, he will give delight to your soul." prov. 29:17
the promise is of rest and delight coming from the child who has been corrected. psychology-derived current theories in this modern world say that it is stifling or "crushing" to correct a child, and they even admonish parents to avoid using the word "no." but scripture says that a child who turns into a trustworthy, godly adult has parents who are correcting him. they correct him until he gets it right, they don't simply make a breezy comment and fail to follow through. and how are we to correct our children?
prov. 14:17 says, "a quick-tempered man acts foolishly, and a man of wicked intentions is hated." this warns us not to be angry when we are disciplining, and never to discipline out of personal retribution, but when we are calm, and able to have the good intention for the child in our heart.
proverbs 15:4 says, "a soothing tongue is a tree of life, but perversion in it crushes the spirit." this is a release for parents who are afraid of crushing their childrens' spirit by limiting their choices or correcting their behavior. the Bible says that what really crushes the spirit is a harsh tongue. yet if we speak always soothingly and sweetly to our children, even during discipline, we will plant a tree of life in them!
find parents who are unafraid to keep their children close in order to correct them and train them in the love of the Lord, and you will find the family that produces the kinds of children to whom you would give your own.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Biblical motherly rest
Proverbs 29:17 says, "Correct your son, and he will give you comfort. He will also delight your soul."
the mothers of the world are partially right! we DO need to be rested in order to fully enjoy our children and be the best mothers we can be. however, what should our rest look like? do we need to take time "for ourselves"? do we need to pamper ourselves? do we need to get away from our family, spend money, and unwind, in order to recharge before we get back to the bedlam? no! what does the Bible advocate? what does the passage above suggest? that our children are the ones that BRING us rest, comfort, delight! a mother of eight should be the most joyful, restful person! but notice what has to happen in order for children to provide such delight and rest for us: correction. discipline. the Bible speaks clearly about using the rod of correction. (see prov. 10:1, 10:13, 13:24, 17:25, 19:18, 20:30, 22:15, 23:13-14, 29:15) there should not be a dispute among Christians there. Do we choose to believe God in what He says, committing to train and discipline our children lovingly and consistently until they bring us the promised rest? or do we choose to discard God's word in preference of Parenting magazine's suggestions?
the mothers of the world are partially right! we DO need to be rested in order to fully enjoy our children and be the best mothers we can be. however, what should our rest look like? do we need to take time "for ourselves"? do we need to pamper ourselves? do we need to get away from our family, spend money, and unwind, in order to recharge before we get back to the bedlam? no! what does the Bible advocate? what does the passage above suggest? that our children are the ones that BRING us rest, comfort, delight! a mother of eight should be the most joyful, restful person! but notice what has to happen in order for children to provide such delight and rest for us: correction. discipline. the Bible speaks clearly about using the rod of correction. (see prov. 10:1, 10:13, 13:24, 17:25, 19:18, 20:30, 22:15, 23:13-14, 29:15) there should not be a dispute among Christians there. Do we choose to believe God in what He says, committing to train and discipline our children lovingly and consistently until they bring us the promised rest? or do we choose to discard God's word in preference of Parenting magazine's suggestions?
Saturday, May 15, 2010
an unexpected ministry
it seems that to the majority of the public, having a third child is a rarity nowadays. in reality it's not that rare; i see plenty of moms who have three, and some who even have four (gasp!). but yes, i am looking out for them, so maybe they seem more common to me. nonetheless, people here in san francisco frequently comment to me about my children which often leads to a longer conversation.
in line to order a mocha at peet's in berkeley today, an older woman behind me asked if the little one over there (golden, standing off to the side with thomas) was a girl, too. which led to conversation about what the next one was going to be, which led to conversation about having children in general, having many, having few... when i asked her if she had children, she said, "no, none of my own, but i like looking at other people's!" i smiled and said that was certainly the easier way to deal with children. she then shared with me that she actually regretted never having any, but that her generation was encouraged not to, as their parents had lived through the great depression and were very big on earning power. she said her parents hadn't even wanted her to get married. (advice which i don't know if she followed or not.) i said i understood why they would go that way after what they went through, but also that someone is going to have to raise up the next generation's work force to pay for everyone's social security! we talked about how germany's population is dwindling so badly that their government has officially acknowledged it cannot recover, and the german race is certain to die out soon. she said that the government there is paying people to have babies now. yes. the 'reproduce less and live with more prosperity' philosophy has backfired.
i mentioned that obstetricians and gynecologists even here (in this free country) are taught in med school to encourage less reproduction. i observed the effect of this teaching with my own ob, dr. green, who delivered sparrow, and whom i really admired as one of the only natural-friendly doctors in santa barbara. when i had a miscarriage after sparrow he said, "oh well, you wanna have one out of diapers at least, before you have another." shocking and appalling! could you not allow a woman her grief over a lost child?
my parting conclusion to the lovely woman in the peets store today was "i say, have them if the Spirit says have them," and she laughed and agreed. (this spontaneously came to me as an adaptation of a little gospel song i got off of a children's raffi cd: "you gotta hum when the spirit says hum." with the many conversations i have had with non-believers about this, i have learned that one cannot simply encourage them to have as many babies as will come to them. this philosophy makes no sense and brings questionable results apart from absolute faith in God. i have learned lately that one of my main jobs here in this city is to be a little seed-planter. to get people started in thinking about children as a BLESSING, and self-sacrifice in the family and faith context as a freeing and joyous experience.
i have found that people's philosophy on children is instead often based in fear: "i want to have children, but i am afraid we won't be able to afford it." "i am afraid of what will happen to our relationship." "i am afraid the timing is wrong." "i am afraid for them if we don't stay together." "i am afraid i can only have one because of back problems." one lady was very fascinated with what i had to say about faith, children, sacrifice, and homeschooling, but she still couldn't wholly swallow it. she was trying to pull me back, saying, "you have to take care of yourself. you will ruin your body if you have too many. don't forget to take some time out for YOU." i was laughing gently. that is exactly what i was telling her: there is no such thing as too many, if God gives them to you, and it is exactly in letting GO of the expectation that i must have time to take care of myself, that i have finally found such delight in motherhood. i had tried to explain that the issue causing my frustration was my demand to take care of me! sometimes things fall on rocky soil, you see, but sometimes, i am sure, a seed is planted, and it is the Spirit that will cause the growth! thank you, Lord, for this little ministry, that you have shown me without my asking for it. You are the God of surprises.
in line to order a mocha at peet's in berkeley today, an older woman behind me asked if the little one over there (golden, standing off to the side with thomas) was a girl, too. which led to conversation about what the next one was going to be, which led to conversation about having children in general, having many, having few... when i asked her if she had children, she said, "no, none of my own, but i like looking at other people's!" i smiled and said that was certainly the easier way to deal with children. she then shared with me that she actually regretted never having any, but that her generation was encouraged not to, as their parents had lived through the great depression and were very big on earning power. she said her parents hadn't even wanted her to get married. (advice which i don't know if she followed or not.) i said i understood why they would go that way after what they went through, but also that someone is going to have to raise up the next generation's work force to pay for everyone's social security! we talked about how germany's population is dwindling so badly that their government has officially acknowledged it cannot recover, and the german race is certain to die out soon. she said that the government there is paying people to have babies now. yes. the 'reproduce less and live with more prosperity' philosophy has backfired.
i mentioned that obstetricians and gynecologists even here (in this free country) are taught in med school to encourage less reproduction. i observed the effect of this teaching with my own ob, dr. green, who delivered sparrow, and whom i really admired as one of the only natural-friendly doctors in santa barbara. when i had a miscarriage after sparrow he said, "oh well, you wanna have one out of diapers at least, before you have another." shocking and appalling! could you not allow a woman her grief over a lost child?
my parting conclusion to the lovely woman in the peets store today was "i say, have them if the Spirit says have them," and she laughed and agreed. (this spontaneously came to me as an adaptation of a little gospel song i got off of a children's raffi cd: "you gotta hum when the spirit says hum." with the many conversations i have had with non-believers about this, i have learned that one cannot simply encourage them to have as many babies as will come to them. this philosophy makes no sense and brings questionable results apart from absolute faith in God. i have learned lately that one of my main jobs here in this city is to be a little seed-planter. to get people started in thinking about children as a BLESSING, and self-sacrifice in the family and faith context as a freeing and joyous experience.
i have found that people's philosophy on children is instead often based in fear: "i want to have children, but i am afraid we won't be able to afford it." "i am afraid of what will happen to our relationship." "i am afraid the timing is wrong." "i am afraid for them if we don't stay together." "i am afraid i can only have one because of back problems." one lady was very fascinated with what i had to say about faith, children, sacrifice, and homeschooling, but she still couldn't wholly swallow it. she was trying to pull me back, saying, "you have to take care of yourself. you will ruin your body if you have too many. don't forget to take some time out for YOU." i was laughing gently. that is exactly what i was telling her: there is no such thing as too many, if God gives them to you, and it is exactly in letting GO of the expectation that i must have time to take care of myself, that i have finally found such delight in motherhood. i had tried to explain that the issue causing my frustration was my demand to take care of me! sometimes things fall on rocky soil, you see, but sometimes, i am sure, a seed is planted, and it is the Spirit that will cause the growth! thank you, Lord, for this little ministry, that you have shown me without my asking for it. You are the God of surprises.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
world reportedly full of happy mothers!
i couldn't believe what i heard on tv this morning: that today on mother's day we should celebrate the birth control pill. because it is a "miracle pill" that has allowed women to be in control of their families, thereby creating much happier mothers! well...they are more pedicured and pampered, perhaps. better dressed. more expensive hairstyles, maybe skinnier. but look at their faces. are they HAPPY? in my own life, it was when i wanted to take control of my motherhood, limiting my children so i could be pampered, that i was miserable and frazzled! it was only through the giving up of that need to control, that i found the Lord giving me inner rest, and the ability to enjoy my motherhood more. my little secret! please look around you and see if the world is so chock full of happy mothers.
Saturday, May 8, 2010
expanding into freedom
The Christian life and doctrine is full of paradoxes that are difficult to grasp, but must be embraced in faith toward God. Jesus was both God and man. God is both three and one. to die is gain. And this one: submission brings freedom. Yes, submission to God really does, and i have truly experienced that in marriage and home life, where the Lord is gently teaching me to stop striving and giving me the courage to submit to my husband and to submit to the way He made me. The more i have allowed this to happen, the more contented, joyful, and free i have become.
For much of my Christian life, i didn't understand why i still felt so restless and discontented. I could hear a really inspiring, meaningful sermon on doctrine or Christian living, and still come home to life full of anxiety, not knowing what God wanted for me, not knowing what i wanted for myself. My entire single life i ran around frantically trying to find the will of God for my life and wishing that i just had a burning bush to tell me exactly what to do! Getting married was the best thing that could have happened to me, because it began in me a death to self and a refining process that i could not have experienced as a single with thousands of options before me. Yes, it was unexpectedly hard, and still is sometimes--that is why it is called "death"--but i wouldn't trade the freedom i have found for anything.
God does, thankfully, tell married women in every age group exactly what to do: Older women are to teach the younger women "to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed" (Titus 2:4-5). This means that younger married women are supposed to then learn and DO THESE things! And we younger women really need a lot of help! I did not realize at first that I would actually be blaspheming the word of God by treating these directives with the usual cultural skepticism. I don't want to be a blasphemer of His word! Yet how His word would be honored if the Christian older women really took that call seriously and each one taught the younger women in her life the above virtues.
I know now why the church sermons still left me with a confused life view: Because while teaching at the pulpit is indispensable, the average male preacher has not any idea about the soul and marrow of a woman's existence. It seems that most are as confused by the entrenched feminist views as we are! God knew what He was doing when he gave the task to teach women about life to older women with the necessary softness and experience. But instead, we younger women are often left out to follow the world's ideas of womanhood. I find it sad, too, that we have intimidated our Christian men, who might have a good feeling for the true order of things, into becoming a bit spineless: they concede to being homemakers as well, and feel that in order to be loving and sensitive, they must support their wife in her career (or her ministry) and her decision not to have children, or only one or two, and then to continue with the career when she puts them away into public schools.
The directions of Titus 2 are very hard to swallow in the world of today. They might sound oppressive to most modern women in the world. Yes, Satan has done a good job deceiving us and blinding us to the true potential of womanhood and motherhood by demeaning it so much that even Christians can no longer embrace the true value of it. One friend of mine wrote, "it would do God such a disservice to reduce women to a womb....a real travesty of His intention for us all..." And that is how deep the deception has gotten! That we would see the way He made us as demeaning, a reduction of value! That is truly the world's feminist influence talking. Satan is the one who wants a woman's greatest calling to be seen as dirty work, of little value, and undesirably narrow. Did God not Himself make us with a womb and call us "womb man?" That name says a lot about God's intention. It is by the womb that He chose to call us, to set us apart. It was God's own defining characteristic of women! and we are made in His very image! We are made with value and dignity. We need to open our eyes to the sad deception of the last century and see exactly how valuable we are in the Kingdom of God, as strong contenders against Satan, with the potential to raise up many more from the womb. The feminists are wrong. They shout and shout for their rights because it is "my body," and yet they do not even fully embrace the way their body is made. They cut off the very function of their womb in order to have the freedom to... to what? To become more like men! Or to merely have the freedom to entertain and pamper themselves! How sad!
Reducing? NO, to embrace the womb and the offices God gave us as women is not a reduction, it is an expansion. Our influence in the world expands, our personal peace and freedom in Christ expands, our patience and kindness expands, our wisdom expands, our legacy expands. May He lead you to embrace the beautiful paradox of submission.
For much of my Christian life, i didn't understand why i still felt so restless and discontented. I could hear a really inspiring, meaningful sermon on doctrine or Christian living, and still come home to life full of anxiety, not knowing what God wanted for me, not knowing what i wanted for myself. My entire single life i ran around frantically trying to find the will of God for my life and wishing that i just had a burning bush to tell me exactly what to do! Getting married was the best thing that could have happened to me, because it began in me a death to self and a refining process that i could not have experienced as a single with thousands of options before me. Yes, it was unexpectedly hard, and still is sometimes--that is why it is called "death"--but i wouldn't trade the freedom i have found for anything.
God does, thankfully, tell married women in every age group exactly what to do: Older women are to teach the younger women "to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed" (Titus 2:4-5). This means that younger married women are supposed to then learn and DO THESE things! And we younger women really need a lot of help! I did not realize at first that I would actually be blaspheming the word of God by treating these directives with the usual cultural skepticism. I don't want to be a blasphemer of His word! Yet how His word would be honored if the Christian older women really took that call seriously and each one taught the younger women in her life the above virtues.
I know now why the church sermons still left me with a confused life view: Because while teaching at the pulpit is indispensable, the average male preacher has not any idea about the soul and marrow of a woman's existence. It seems that most are as confused by the entrenched feminist views as we are! God knew what He was doing when he gave the task to teach women about life to older women with the necessary softness and experience. But instead, we younger women are often left out to follow the world's ideas of womanhood. I find it sad, too, that we have intimidated our Christian men, who might have a good feeling for the true order of things, into becoming a bit spineless: they concede to being homemakers as well, and feel that in order to be loving and sensitive, they must support their wife in her career (or her ministry) and her decision not to have children, or only one or two, and then to continue with the career when she puts them away into public schools.
The directions of Titus 2 are very hard to swallow in the world of today. They might sound oppressive to most modern women in the world. Yes, Satan has done a good job deceiving us and blinding us to the true potential of womanhood and motherhood by demeaning it so much that even Christians can no longer embrace the true value of it. One friend of mine wrote, "it would do God such a disservice to reduce women to a womb....a real travesty of His intention for us all..." And that is how deep the deception has gotten! That we would see the way He made us as demeaning, a reduction of value! That is truly the world's feminist influence talking. Satan is the one who wants a woman's greatest calling to be seen as dirty work, of little value, and undesirably narrow. Did God not Himself make us with a womb and call us "womb man?" That name says a lot about God's intention. It is by the womb that He chose to call us, to set us apart. It was God's own defining characteristic of women! and we are made in His very image! We are made with value and dignity. We need to open our eyes to the sad deception of the last century and see exactly how valuable we are in the Kingdom of God, as strong contenders against Satan, with the potential to raise up many more from the womb. The feminists are wrong. They shout and shout for their rights because it is "my body," and yet they do not even fully embrace the way their body is made. They cut off the very function of their womb in order to have the freedom to... to what? To become more like men! Or to merely have the freedom to entertain and pamper themselves! How sad!
Reducing? NO, to embrace the womb and the offices God gave us as women is not a reduction, it is an expansion. Our influence in the world expands, our personal peace and freedom in Christ expands, our patience and kindness expands, our wisdom expands, our legacy expands. May He lead you to embrace the beautiful paradox of submission.
homeschooling and unschooling
recent discussions with friends on homeschooling have forced me to clarify my stance on the matter, and really get down with what i believe about this subject.
i used to believe that homeschooling was a neutral matter--could be good, could be bad. then i believed one should pray about it for each child and decide that way. then i believed that it would definitely be good for us, because the education one can receive at home can be so much superior (with less time-waste) than the education one would receive in CA public schools. (thinking, "i wouldn't mind sending them to montessori school, but since we can't afford that...) now i have come to believe that it is pretty much a must for Christian parents in a secular age.
Deuteronomy 6:4-9 says,
"Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates."
if we are to be speaking to our children of the Lord's commands all day long, yet we are only with our children in the evenings, or afternoons, we are only partially fulfilling this command of God. He also puts the responsibility of the teaching on the parents, and there are many other places in scripture that affirm this. (see end of paragraph for further study) So I believe that even if children are at a Christian school, the Deuteronomy 6 mandate is not being obeyed.
(Deut. 4:9-10, 4:21-24, 6:1-9, 20-25, 11:18-21, 31:19-21, 32:46-47.
Psalm 45:17, 48:12-14, 71:18, 78:1-8, 79:13, 145:4-5.
Proverbs 6:20-24, 31:1. Isaiah 38:19, 59:21. Joel 1:3)
i can see why not all Christian parents would want to accept this. they might send their children out in order to "be a light in the world" or to "challenge and grow their faith." Nowhere in scripture does it support either of these ideas. Christian mothers may also fall into the trap of wanting to get some time during the day to be involved in ministry or help earn income for the family (which God clearly puts on the husband. will He not be faithful and provide enough with the way He has set things up?) and while the scripture does not directly say "thou shalt homeschool," i think it does give parents full responsibility for the godly education of their children and it does make sense to me that when they are gone in a secular environment most of the day, one has to backpedal very hard to make the godly education still THE biggest factor in their young minds. not to mention that the implied things of scripture need not be deemed unimportant. let us remember that the trinity itself, a foundational doctrine, is not spelled out in black and white in the Bible, but implied. because i believe that God has set up children to be with their parents at all times during their early years, and most of the time during their growing up years, i personally do not think that young children need to be sent out into the world to be a light or to have their faith challenged just yet. we must use the years of impressionability to form their minds always toward God. the most important thing the Lord wants us to teach our children is to fear Him. Can we do this as effectively with the school teaching them otherwise? the Lord does call US to be a light. He calls US to be a witness for Him. i believe it is a sad disservice to our children if we put them out there as if they were an arm or a leg of ours, expecting them to shine the light for us, when they have not reached the age where we would consider them "accountable." the Bible seems to favor long preparation times for ministry and service. Jesus himself officially began His ministry at age 30. i hope we don't think His early life was a waste of time!
one friend of mine argued that some parents would be just miserable homeschooling, and it would be better for them to send their children to public school. really? what is parenting? what is motherhood? the Bible says that women will be made whole through childbearing (1 Timothy 2:15)! this speaks of the fact that motherhood is a great sacrifice, and it is through this death to self that we grow and are made whole in Him. i would not describe myself as a natural homeschooling mom. i would have much preferred, at one point, to have most of the day to myself again, to work at my own thing, to get my "down" time, and to "recharge." but is that the kind of wholeness God wants me to have? i find that if i am convicted about something in the Lord, He gives me the strength and the joy to carry it out as well. of course this cannot be recommended for a non-Christian, who might actually go crazy! but with the Holy Spirit, i will never be afraid of the sacrifices He asks me to make, or the path He decides to send me on! submission is a beautiful thing.
i realize that most children in public school who have involved, sincere Christian parents at home, do end up following the Lord when they grow up, but i think a lot of confusion and time-wasting frivolity comes in in the meantime. (it did for me.) also, along with homeschooling, i think early child training is totally key, and parents must be loving and gentle as well as firm in their approach. (the Bible teaches gentle and total communication with children, it is not just "spanking is the only thing to do.") i am seeing now that i did not have consistent and insistent early childhood training in respect, thankfulness, cheerfulness, immediate obedience, listening, etc. what i want for my children is to be able to follow the Christian path without that too-commonly-seen-as-necessary period of rebellion. i reject the idea that the period of rebellion is inevitable and that it is even good. i think God would rather have that we never rebel. it IS possible to experience His goodness and be on fire in spirit faith without that experience. and that is why i look to families who have raised children to adulthood who 1) are contented, sincere, brave, joyful, on-fire christians making a difference (NOT separated from society as adults), and 2) haven't felt the need to rebel. all of the families like this i have researched have homeschooled. so i see it not only as encouraged in the Bible, but also supported by real life, modern day examples that i can observe for myself. now i think for me one of the hardest things has been to humble myself and get the stereotype out of my head that homeschooling families are boring, or that the life devoid of rebellion is boring. yeah. that's been a challenge.
the other concept i've come across recently is "unschooling," which is basically an extension of modern psychology trends crossed with new-age humanist beliefs about how to raise "free" and creative children. my friend pointed me to a blog (walk slowly, live wildly) that expounded in some depth about the theory of "unschooling," though i had already come across the concept in real life situations.
i sort of love it, sort of hate it. like the ideals behind it, love that they (and we!) live in a country where this is (still) allowed, and i agree with what the author says about socialization, reading, and math. however, i think this is a really misguided way to raise a child, especially for Christians. God gave us specific roles for a reason. and the specific roles are only for specific seasons. one need not feel sorry for a child for having parents that raise him up toward godly goals, restricting his choices especially while young, because this child eventually becomes an adult with his own children, and will get his turn to make all the choices! the parents have equipped him to make the right ones. i think it is wrong to teach a child that they are on par with adults in all ways. of COURSE their value is the same, but their roles are different, and their level of knowledge is very different. God put parents in the seat of authority over the child to teach discipline, self-denial, and self-control, (doing so with great love, constant communication, and gentleness,) and a love for learning. Proverbs 22:6 says, "train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it." are the parents in the unschooling world doing anything resembling training? if anything, they are training the child to believe he is his own master, needing not to answer to anybody. parents should never feel bad for training into a child Biblical concepts and values. the Bible says that "the fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge" (Prov. 1:7), and we should start from scripture when it comes to education theory, not just throw it in there somewhere as one piece of the pie, should the child ask. there is much depth in that concept of training. it is not just pointing them in the right direction. it is consistently and continuously reinforcing things to children to teach them "the way they should go." not letting them go their own way, or choose their own path from childhood, but showing them the right path and training it into them.
I find that a lot of the time, as i used to be, parents are afraid they will crush a child's creativity, or spirit, if they give too much direction or restrict choices. the Bible speaks directly to this concept as well, and thankfully i came across this verse and was freed from the wavering lack of confidence i had in the way to go about child rearing: Proverbs 15:4 says, "A soothing tongue is a tree of life, but perversion in it crushes the spirit." this dispels the notion that one crushes the spirit by training a child or limiting choices early in life. instead, the way to crush a spirit is to have a manipulative, harsh, or "perverted" tongue: speaking things in rashness, irritation or anger, or speaking things that are distorted or untrue. personally, i found that when i let my youngsters have their choice of everything, it would lead to stress and be so unworkable that eventually i would get irritated and snap at them. giving toddlers a lot of choices or trying to accommodate their wills as much as possible is doing them a disservice. they don't even KNOW what they want, poor things, they are given over to the whims of their flesh! sometimes i would find that sparrow had asked for twenty things (some directly contradicting the others) in the space of five minutes, and no matter how much i tried to give her them all, she would still go on wanting, and being unhappy! i'm sorry, but a child is NOT a mere "guest in your home." a child is your God-given responsibility, to raise up in the ways of the Lord. let us take up our task with fear and reverence, that we might present our children to Him whole!
the family of "walk slowly, live wildly" will raise a very self-confident and independent child, and that is where i think they've gone wrong. nothing in the scripture indicates that we should focus on self-confidence nor independence. indeed, the scripture decries these "qualities." i am not speaking of God-given self-worth here, but society's interpretation of self-confidence, which really boils down to self-love, something quite ugly. i know it is a total social no-no to be down on self-confidence, but it's TRUE. well, time will tell, will it not? i have found that the families who have used a style of parenting that originates in the Bible and doesn't sway to current social trends, have ended up with children who ARE very capable and smart and innovative as well as able to follow the Lord obediently, not stifled and boring, if you can imagine! (gasp!) and then there is the practical factor: the family in the above-mentioned blog, has a mere two children. would their parenting style work with three, four, ten children? Nooooooo.... and yet, God somehow (mistakenly?) made our wombs to work over, and over, and over again. it seems that God designed us to have big families, and it would therefore be wiser to adopt a parenting approach that would work with many children, whether you have one or one dozen.
i used to believe that homeschooling was a neutral matter--could be good, could be bad. then i believed one should pray about it for each child and decide that way. then i believed that it would definitely be good for us, because the education one can receive at home can be so much superior (with less time-waste) than the education one would receive in CA public schools. (thinking, "i wouldn't mind sending them to montessori school, but since we can't afford that...) now i have come to believe that it is pretty much a must for Christian parents in a secular age.
Deuteronomy 6:4-9 says,
"Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates."
if we are to be speaking to our children of the Lord's commands all day long, yet we are only with our children in the evenings, or afternoons, we are only partially fulfilling this command of God. He also puts the responsibility of the teaching on the parents, and there are many other places in scripture that affirm this. (see end of paragraph for further study) So I believe that even if children are at a Christian school, the Deuteronomy 6 mandate is not being obeyed.
(Deut. 4:9-10, 4:21-24, 6:1-9, 20-25, 11:18-21, 31:19-21, 32:46-47.
Psalm 45:17, 48:12-14, 71:18, 78:1-8, 79:13, 145:4-5.
Proverbs 6:20-24, 31:1. Isaiah 38:19, 59:21. Joel 1:3)
i can see why not all Christian parents would want to accept this. they might send their children out in order to "be a light in the world" or to "challenge and grow their faith." Nowhere in scripture does it support either of these ideas. Christian mothers may also fall into the trap of wanting to get some time during the day to be involved in ministry or help earn income for the family (which God clearly puts on the husband. will He not be faithful and provide enough with the way He has set things up?) and while the scripture does not directly say "thou shalt homeschool," i think it does give parents full responsibility for the godly education of their children and it does make sense to me that when they are gone in a secular environment most of the day, one has to backpedal very hard to make the godly education still THE biggest factor in their young minds. not to mention that the implied things of scripture need not be deemed unimportant. let us remember that the trinity itself, a foundational doctrine, is not spelled out in black and white in the Bible, but implied. because i believe that God has set up children to be with their parents at all times during their early years, and most of the time during their growing up years, i personally do not think that young children need to be sent out into the world to be a light or to have their faith challenged just yet. we must use the years of impressionability to form their minds always toward God. the most important thing the Lord wants us to teach our children is to fear Him. Can we do this as effectively with the school teaching them otherwise? the Lord does call US to be a light. He calls US to be a witness for Him. i believe it is a sad disservice to our children if we put them out there as if they were an arm or a leg of ours, expecting them to shine the light for us, when they have not reached the age where we would consider them "accountable." the Bible seems to favor long preparation times for ministry and service. Jesus himself officially began His ministry at age 30. i hope we don't think His early life was a waste of time!
one friend of mine argued that some parents would be just miserable homeschooling, and it would be better for them to send their children to public school. really? what is parenting? what is motherhood? the Bible says that women will be made whole through childbearing (1 Timothy 2:15)! this speaks of the fact that motherhood is a great sacrifice, and it is through this death to self that we grow and are made whole in Him. i would not describe myself as a natural homeschooling mom. i would have much preferred, at one point, to have most of the day to myself again, to work at my own thing, to get my "down" time, and to "recharge." but is that the kind of wholeness God wants me to have? i find that if i am convicted about something in the Lord, He gives me the strength and the joy to carry it out as well. of course this cannot be recommended for a non-Christian, who might actually go crazy! but with the Holy Spirit, i will never be afraid of the sacrifices He asks me to make, or the path He decides to send me on! submission is a beautiful thing.
i realize that most children in public school who have involved, sincere Christian parents at home, do end up following the Lord when they grow up, but i think a lot of confusion and time-wasting frivolity comes in in the meantime. (it did for me.) also, along with homeschooling, i think early child training is totally key, and parents must be loving and gentle as well as firm in their approach. (the Bible teaches gentle and total communication with children, it is not just "spanking is the only thing to do.") i am seeing now that i did not have consistent and insistent early childhood training in respect, thankfulness, cheerfulness, immediate obedience, listening, etc. what i want for my children is to be able to follow the Christian path without that too-commonly-seen-as-necessary period of rebellion. i reject the idea that the period of rebellion is inevitable and that it is even good. i think God would rather have that we never rebel. it IS possible to experience His goodness and be on fire in spirit faith without that experience. and that is why i look to families who have raised children to adulthood who 1) are contented, sincere, brave, joyful, on-fire christians making a difference (NOT separated from society as adults), and 2) haven't felt the need to rebel. all of the families like this i have researched have homeschooled. so i see it not only as encouraged in the Bible, but also supported by real life, modern day examples that i can observe for myself. now i think for me one of the hardest things has been to humble myself and get the stereotype out of my head that homeschooling families are boring, or that the life devoid of rebellion is boring. yeah. that's been a challenge.
the other concept i've come across recently is "unschooling," which is basically an extension of modern psychology trends crossed with new-age humanist beliefs about how to raise "free" and creative children. my friend pointed me to a blog (walk slowly, live wildly) that expounded in some depth about the theory of "unschooling," though i had already come across the concept in real life situations.
i sort of love it, sort of hate it. like the ideals behind it, love that they (and we!) live in a country where this is (still) allowed, and i agree with what the author says about socialization, reading, and math. however, i think this is a really misguided way to raise a child, especially for Christians. God gave us specific roles for a reason. and the specific roles are only for specific seasons. one need not feel sorry for a child for having parents that raise him up toward godly goals, restricting his choices especially while young, because this child eventually becomes an adult with his own children, and will get his turn to make all the choices! the parents have equipped him to make the right ones. i think it is wrong to teach a child that they are on par with adults in all ways. of COURSE their value is the same, but their roles are different, and their level of knowledge is very different. God put parents in the seat of authority over the child to teach discipline, self-denial, and self-control, (doing so with great love, constant communication, and gentleness,) and a love for learning. Proverbs 22:6 says, "train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it." are the parents in the unschooling world doing anything resembling training? if anything, they are training the child to believe he is his own master, needing not to answer to anybody. parents should never feel bad for training into a child Biblical concepts and values. the Bible says that "the fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge" (Prov. 1:7), and we should start from scripture when it comes to education theory, not just throw it in there somewhere as one piece of the pie, should the child ask. there is much depth in that concept of training. it is not just pointing them in the right direction. it is consistently and continuously reinforcing things to children to teach them "the way they should go." not letting them go their own way, or choose their own path from childhood, but showing them the right path and training it into them.
I find that a lot of the time, as i used to be, parents are afraid they will crush a child's creativity, or spirit, if they give too much direction or restrict choices. the Bible speaks directly to this concept as well, and thankfully i came across this verse and was freed from the wavering lack of confidence i had in the way to go about child rearing: Proverbs 15:4 says, "A soothing tongue is a tree of life, but perversion in it crushes the spirit." this dispels the notion that one crushes the spirit by training a child or limiting choices early in life. instead, the way to crush a spirit is to have a manipulative, harsh, or "perverted" tongue: speaking things in rashness, irritation or anger, or speaking things that are distorted or untrue. personally, i found that when i let my youngsters have their choice of everything, it would lead to stress and be so unworkable that eventually i would get irritated and snap at them. giving toddlers a lot of choices or trying to accommodate their wills as much as possible is doing them a disservice. they don't even KNOW what they want, poor things, they are given over to the whims of their flesh! sometimes i would find that sparrow had asked for twenty things (some directly contradicting the others) in the space of five minutes, and no matter how much i tried to give her them all, she would still go on wanting, and being unhappy! i'm sorry, but a child is NOT a mere "guest in your home." a child is your God-given responsibility, to raise up in the ways of the Lord. let us take up our task with fear and reverence, that we might present our children to Him whole!
the family of "walk slowly, live wildly" will raise a very self-confident and independent child, and that is where i think they've gone wrong. nothing in the scripture indicates that we should focus on self-confidence nor independence. indeed, the scripture decries these "qualities." i am not speaking of God-given self-worth here, but society's interpretation of self-confidence, which really boils down to self-love, something quite ugly. i know it is a total social no-no to be down on self-confidence, but it's TRUE. well, time will tell, will it not? i have found that the families who have used a style of parenting that originates in the Bible and doesn't sway to current social trends, have ended up with children who ARE very capable and smart and innovative as well as able to follow the Lord obediently, not stifled and boring, if you can imagine! (gasp!) and then there is the practical factor: the family in the above-mentioned blog, has a mere two children. would their parenting style work with three, four, ten children? Nooooooo.... and yet, God somehow (mistakenly?) made our wombs to work over, and over, and over again. it seems that God designed us to have big families, and it would therefore be wiser to adopt a parenting approach that would work with many children, whether you have one or one dozen.
the beginning
my opening post is lost somewhere in computer world... when i find it, this is where it goes!
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