arranged marriage

in ancient hebrew culture, parents would arrange their childrens' marriages, sometimes long before they were old enough to be married. when i think about my own children and how much i want the best for them, it is unfathomable to me how i could ever decide on their spouse without even knowing what this person is going to be like as an adult. and then i realized: you ARE supposed to be able to know what that person will be like! you look at their parents. in ancient days, if the parents were righteous, worthy people, it was generally a given that they would produce and raise up righteous, worthy sons and daughters. in today's culture, that is absolutely NOT a given. you can have some beautiful, loving, dedicated Christian parents who often end up with rebellious or unbelieving children. but it IS and SHOULD be possible to predict reasonably well how the grown children will be. why is this no longer so? I believe it is because satan has deceived parents into thinking they have little control over how their children turn out. the Bible clearly says that rebellion happens if a child is not properly trained in the fear of the Lord, respect, and obedience. The parents are also the ones responsible for seeing that this happens, not sunday school or youth group or Christian school. (see eph. 6:4) yet today many Christian parents have either never learned how to properly train up a child in the fear of the Lord, or understood the parental-responsibility mandates in the Bible to be as far-reaching as they were in ancient days. Or they believe that the current world view on child rearing makes more sense and overrides the "outdated" ways of the Bible. then unbelief happens in the offspring, because they see that their parents are not properly modeling the life submitted unto the Lord; they are hypocrites. the book of Proverbs has some amazing advice on child rearing, and i believe it comes with some promises:

"foolishness is bound in the heart of a child, but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him." prov. 22:15

this is one of the main Biblical principles: man is born into a sinful, "foolish" nature. parents are to use the rod for discipline in order to correct the child, and as they do so, the foolishness will be driven out. (also see prov. 20:30.)

"correct your son, and he will give you rest; yes, he will give delight to your soul." prov. 29:17

the promise is of rest and delight coming from the child who has been corrected. psychology-derived current theories in this modern world say that it is stifling or "crushing" to correct a child, and they even admonish parents to avoid using the word "no." but scripture says that a child who turns into a trustworthy, godly adult has parents who are correcting him. they correct him until he gets it right, they don't simply make a breezy comment and fail to follow through. and how are we to correct our children?

prov. 14:17 says, "a quick-tempered man acts foolishly, and a man of wicked intentions is hated." this warns us not to be angry when we are disciplining, and never to discipline out of personal retribution, but when we are calm, and able to have the good intention for the child in our heart.

proverbs 15:4 says, "a soothing tongue is a tree of life, but perversion in it crushes the spirit." this is a release for parents who are afraid of crushing their childrens' spirit by limiting their choices or correcting their behavior. the Bible says that what really crushes the spirit is a harsh tongue. yet if we speak always soothingly and sweetly to our children, even during discipline, we will plant a tree of life in them!

find parents who are unafraid to keep their children close in order to correct them and train them in the love of the Lord, and you will find the family that produces the kinds of children to whom you would give your own.