an unexpected ministry

it seems that to the majority of the public, having a third child is a rarity nowadays. in reality it's not that rare; i see plenty of moms who have three, and some who even have four (gasp!). but yes, i am looking out for them, so maybe they seem more common to me. nonetheless, people here in san francisco frequently comment to me about my children which often leads to a longer conversation.

in line to order a mocha at peet's in berkeley today, an older woman behind me asked if the little one over there (golden, standing off to the side with thomas) was a girl, too. which led to conversation about what the next one was going to be, which led to conversation about having children in general, having many, having few... when i asked her if she had children, she said, "no, none of my own, but i like looking at other people's!" i smiled and said that was certainly the easier way to deal with children. she then shared with me that she actually regretted never having any, but that her generation was encouraged not to, as their parents had lived through the great depression and were very big on earning power. she said her parents hadn't even wanted her to get married. (advice which i don't know if she followed or not.) i said i understood why they would go that way after what they went through, but also that someone is going to have to raise up the next generation's work force to pay for everyone's social security! we talked about how germany's population is dwindling so badly that their government has officially acknowledged it cannot recover, and the german race is certain to die out soon. she said that the government there is paying people to have babies now. yes. the 'reproduce less and live with more prosperity' philosophy has backfired.

i mentioned that obstetricians and gynecologists even here (in this free country) are taught in med school to encourage less reproduction. i observed the effect of this teaching with my own ob, dr. green, who delivered sparrow, and whom i really admired as one of the only natural-friendly doctors in santa barbara. when i had a miscarriage after sparrow he said, "oh well, you wanna have one out of diapers at least, before you have another." shocking and appalling! could you not allow a woman her grief over a lost child?

my parting conclusion to the lovely woman in the peets store today was "i say, have them if the Spirit says have them," and she laughed and agreed. (this spontaneously came to me as an adaptation of a little gospel song i got off of a children's raffi cd: "you gotta hum when the spirit says hum." with the many conversations i have had with non-believers about this, i have learned that one cannot simply encourage them to have as many babies as will come to them. this philosophy makes no sense and brings questionable results apart from absolute faith in God. i have learned lately that one of my main jobs here in this city is to be a little seed-planter. to get people started in thinking about children as a BLESSING, and self-sacrifice in the family and faith context as a freeing and joyous experience.

i have found that people's philosophy on children is instead often based in fear: "i want to have children, but i am afraid we won't be able to afford it." "i am afraid of what will happen to our relationship." "i am afraid the timing is wrong." "i am afraid for them if we don't stay together." "i am afraid i can only have one because of back problems." one lady was very fascinated with what i had to say about faith, children, sacrifice, and homeschooling, but she still couldn't wholly swallow it. she was trying to pull me back, saying, "you have to take care of yourself. you will ruin your body if you have too many. don't forget to take some time out for YOU." i was laughing gently. that is exactly what i was telling her: there is no such thing as too many, if God gives them to you, and it is exactly in letting GO of the expectation that i must have time to take care of myself, that i have finally found such delight in motherhood. i had tried to explain that the issue causing my frustration was my demand to take care of me! sometimes things fall on rocky soil, you see, but sometimes, i am sure, a seed is planted, and it is the Spirit that will cause the growth! thank you, Lord, for this little ministry, that you have shown me without my asking for it. You are the God of surprises.